Unbothered culture is killing us...
"I ain't got time for a girlfriend, tell that b**** I ain't got no feelings"
Lyrics like these are all too common in our music. Not gonna lie, Wiz Khalifa and Gucci Mane bring out the ratchet side of me with this song (Real Rich). But I'm calling out everybody who attempts unsuccessfully to live in this way.
In the current age of "unbothered", being “hard”, and "no feelings", I say eff that! I am bothered sometimes, I’m soft, and I have feelings. That's part of the human experience. What makes life grand and beautiful? Being able to fully experience every moment. Being able to absorb and release every wave of energy.
You’re probably in denial about how screwed your emotional processing really is. But ask yourself these 4 questions:
Do your emotions live longer than the situation or thought that caused it?
(a.k.a. my day is ruined, FML)
Do you immediately try to distract from what you feel by doing or thinking about something else?
*finds out significant other cheated
*goes to Black twitter to laugh it off via cheating memes & threads
Do you condemn yourself for feeling the way you do?
"I'm being sensitive"
"It's not that big of a deal" (it is though)
Do you try to get advice from someone else?
Usually people do this to validate how they feel or avoid the emotional labor of figuring things out themselves.
What is emotion? Webster's dictionary defines it as a conscious mental reaction subjectively experienced as strong feeling and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.
Yeah, that's too much.
On a recent documentary (E-Motion) I watched, someone explained it perfectly - energy in motion.
So how does an emotion form? Where does it enter within the process of life experience?
The basic pathway:
stimulus or thought → emotion → behavior or action
If you're a science geek like me, maybe this explanation will help. Emotions are the catalysts for everyday action and behavior. Your thoughts produce your behaviors which can be amplified or initiated by emotion. In a way, emotions are the energy that connect your actions or behaviors to your thoughts.
In a way, children know better than we do about how to handle emotions. They release them immediately! Let's take a child's reaction to being told no, for example. Parent says no to something the child wants (stimulus), child feels upset for not getting what they want (emotion), and then has a temper tantrum (action). The energy of being upset courses through the child and is released via the child's behavior - a temper tantrum. This is not an argument for temper tantrums, but kids don't think about that "no" for days; they tend to be fine within the next 30 minutes.
Energy cannot be destroyed, so you're lying when you say you have no feelings. Every emotion you attempt to suppress or destroy is stored somewhere within you waiting to be released in some form. Sometimes it's expressed as stress, anxiety, illness, or amplified reactions to every situation you encounter.
Ever notice how much your stomach hurts when you come around or think of someone who upset you 5 years ago but you never did anything about it? Since you never allowed yourself to feel the hurt or disappointment, that energy stayed within your body and causes physical pain every time you think of or see this person. I'm not telling you to run up to them and unleash your wrath. I'm saying take the time to feel what the situation stirred up in you, then ask yourself what you can do to best cope and recover.
So let's create a routine for dealing with emotions:
Allow it.
Fully feel whatever it is you feel with no shame, judgement, or expectation. Let it be what it is.
Take a deep breath when the feeling has completed its course.
One of my meditations said a deep breath is a gift to your body. Just do it, it feels good.
Ask yourself, "What can I do about this?"
Sometimes it will be nothing, and that will be fine because the hard part (feeling) is already over - see step #1 if not. Sometimes you will find a simple solution that was not clear when you were clouded with emotion. Caution: this is NOT an excuse to harm anyone.
Repeat as often as necessary.
And take all the time you need.
The worst thing about emotions is the fear of having them. Once you stop resisting the energy and allow it to course through you, you realize it's not so bad after all to have feelings.
